Life begins at forty but I am stuck, I should do whatever things I needed to do but I feel like I am still not moving forward. I am still on the same phase where everyone found me a long time, I thought by this age I already explore the world but nope I am not. I am telling you, there’s a part of my life that I felt so depressed, I felt so left out and I struggle a lot, yes I have my own personal issues.
But I composed myself, I tried so hard to just let things flow, even though I did not achieve the dreams I wanted to have from before, life will go on. My kids are with me and that’s the most important thing in the world. So I went back to work, trying to suit myself for this new adventure and for two years I survived.
I think I will not stop working until my body will weaken, but I am hopeful that my kids are already achieving their goals, when the day comes. Their dream is my dream and I am here to always support them. And who knows they will be the one to explore the world, they will be the one to travel and experience other cultures, the dream that I thought I can get.
Does really life begins at forty? Does it mean adventure, fun or travel? Or is it just a continuation of another struggle? Whatever it brings me, one thing I realized, dreaming is not only reaching for the things you really want, it can be achieve, when your kids will be the one to achieve it for you. And then I would say my life is perfect after all.
I can’t believe it, it is already September. I wonder what happen to the past 9 months. Did I accomplish something? I guess so. I mean not with renovating the house, since that was my priority before but because of financial constraints I was not able to do so. But look I started again to save which I am so much proud of, not much but will get to it for sure.
I was able to buy a pair of jeans; it was during the Kadayawan sale in the mall. I was waiting for my friends for a meet up and so to enjoy roaming around the mall, I spend some things. I bought a shirt for my youngest and myself a pair of jean.
In the later week, I was able to buy something for the house. A shoe rack! Yeah it is a shoe rack, and it was on sale from one of the online store. On the other hand I need to organize things in the third room where our new shoe rack was place. Its kind a messy there but wait I need to finish watching this movie “Before I wake” maybe later I will.
On the other hand, why the title? Because I just feel like, come on it is already September and I am wondering what wait for me when September Ends.
There are times in my life that I want to give up, there are times also that, how I wish I could resign, resign from being a mom perhaps? Or being a wife. I need sometime for myself to think and to re-think. I really hate lying. I always know when someone lies, even one would deny it. I maybe quiet about it but don’t be so sure that you already fooled me because I knew. I guess woman has this strong instinct and they can tell who’s telling the truth or not and in my case, I know so well.
It sinks in to me now, as to why. I can forgive but never forget. It feels like I am not trustworthy because you have to lie to me. And I am so much tired. I don’t know what to do anymore, I knew you are there but I feel like I am alone in this journey. I am totally alone because you just left me. And I am tired, so much tired.
It is Monday and I have to get ready for school. I need to prepare Faith for school, I know she is not ready for school. Blame it on me she did not slept early last night because I did not. And she is always like that, whenever I am not sleeping yet, she does not sleep also. I did so many things today after I dropped Faith to school, I went to the car wash so my car can take his monthly bath and I went to get some money to deposit it to my savings account. The bank was busy so I was not entertained immediately I have to wait for my turn so I can deposit some money. I thought I can still go to SM but I was not able to do so since I still have to fetch Faith from school and it is almost time for her to go out from her classroom.