I am here again, wishing that I can at least get a vacation somewhere outside the country. I mean I already accepted the fact that I can’t, that we can’t due to financial constraint and besides my husband did not already made follow ups or maybe did not submit our petition for us to at least live where he resides, or at least have a vacation but there are times that I can’t help to think for us to get a chance, I just don’t know how or when.
I get envious with wives out there who were able to step up, whose family is intact at least. I am envious of those families who at least can get a vacation outside of the country or live outside the country. But they said that we don’t have the right to complain but thankful enough for what we have. Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for the blessings that GOD always bestowed on us, I am thankful that my husband never failed to support us, I am thankful that my kids are with me. It is just that sometimes, I asked why others can have it and I can’t.
One of my friends told me that she’d never lose hope for us, she knew that we can get there I hope it is easy as that. But I know we can’t, we never submitted anything to begin with so how can we? Most often than not, I just lift it all up to the LORD, if GOD want us to stay so be it, I know his plans is bigger than what I have. But I hope at least my youngest daughter have an option, I hope she will have the chance to explore, I hope her opportunity will get broad; I hope my husband will at least think of the possibilities for her. I hope we all have the resources to do all the things we needed to do.
Life begins at forty but I am stuck, I should do whatever things I needed to do but I feel like I am still not moving forward. I am still on the same phase where everyone found me a long time, I thought by this age I already explore the world but nope I am not. I am telling you, there’s a part of my life that I felt so depressed, I felt so left out and I struggle a lot, yes I have my own personal issues.
But I composed myself, I tried so hard to just let things flow, even though I did not achieve the dreams I wanted to have from before, life will go on. My kids are with me and that’s the most important thing in the world. So I went back to work, trying to suit myself for this new adventure and for two years I survived.
I think I will not stop working until my body will weaken, but I am hopeful that my kids are already achieving their goals, when the day comes. Their dream is my dream and I am here to always support them. And who knows they will be the one to explore the world, they will be the one to travel and experience other cultures, the dream that I thought I can get.
Does really life begins at forty? Does it mean adventure, fun or travel? Or is it just a continuation of another struggle? Whatever it brings me, one thing I realized, dreaming is not only reaching for the things you really want, it can be achieve, when your kids will be the one to achieve it for you. And then I would say my life is perfect after all.
Just tonight I went to our office to have my clearance done, need to do it so I can get my back pay and my 13th month pay. I supposed to do it on day time but could not do it since there were no available TL already so I decided to just do it at night time when everyone is available. I tag my daughter along so I have someone to talk to when I felt bored already but it was the same thing because she was not allowed to come with me when I went up for the HR and the facilities.
When I surrendered my badge, they asked me to go back to my locker so I can vacate it. Upon approaching, I didn’t realize I have missed it already. I only had one locker during my stay in Convergys, I never changed it for so many reasons and when I saw it, I didn’t expect I will miss it. I had my jacket there and my tumbler and now everything is just so empty, everything just went back to where I started. But everything has to move on I need to move forward hopefully.
Now I’m ready for a new phase of my life, maybe a new BPO? But this time, it will be near where I lived so I won’t spend my time just traveling or stranded in the traffic. On the second thought I really don’t know yet, I just let the river flows and wait for it to where it would lead me to.
I may not good in words but I can say I am expert in doing this. Hope so.
On the other hand, when I started my ventures in our company, I did not expect anything more, instead I expected anything less, what I mean to say is that as I don’t believe myself much, I don’t have that guts that I can go beyond and survived. I always have these feelings that “I cannot do it, if this is for me then this is for me and if it’s not, then I’ll stop”. But you have changed that, you instilled in my mind, not only me but to all of us that we can go to the deepest ocean or fly to the highest peak if we have this determination and the willingness to learn.
You never stopped until we realized that “hey, they were able to do it, why can’t we?”
You were not just a Team Leader to us but you became our friend, confidant, and our force. You never stop pushing us over to achieve our goal. You even cover us to anyone because you know that we can make it, you believe that even in our weaknesses, we have that strength to stand up and fight and we fought because of that believe, we were able to have the perfect sword and shield to battle up.
Thank you so much for believing in me and believing in us. We may now taking different paths because you have now your new team and we have now a new team leader, you will always be a part of us. You continue sharing your thoughts and words of inspiration, your skills and on the things you learned. Take care and we will be missing you.