Life begins at forty but I am stuck, I should do whatever things I needed to do but I feel like I am still not moving forward. I am still on the same phase where everyone found me a long time, I thought by this age I already explore the world but nope I am not. I am telling you, there’s a part of my life that I felt so depressed, I felt so left out and I struggle a lot, yes I have my own personal issues.
But I composed myself, I tried so hard to just let things flow, even though I did not achieve the dreams I wanted to have from before, life will go on. My kids are with me and that’s the most important thing in the world. So I went back to work, trying to suit myself for this new adventure and for two years I survived.
I think I will not stop working until my body will weaken, but I am hopeful that my kids are already achieving their goals, when the day comes. Their dream is my dream and I am here to always support them. And who knows they will be the one to explore the world, they will be the one to travel and experience other cultures, the dream that I thought I can get.
Does really life begins at forty? Does it mean adventure, fun or travel? Or is it just a continuation of another struggle? Whatever it brings me, one thing I realized, dreaming is not only reaching for the things you really want, it can be achieve, when your kids will be the one to achieve it for you. And then I would say my life is perfect after all.
Just tonight I went to our office to have my clearance done, need to do it so I can get my back pay and my 13th month pay. I supposed to do it on day time but could not do it since there were no available TL already so I decided to just do it at night time when everyone is available. I tag my daughter along so I have someone to talk to when I felt bored already but it was the same thing because she was not allowed to come with me when I went up for the HR and the facilities.
When I surrendered my badge, they asked me to go back to my locker so I can vacate it. Upon approaching, I didn’t realize I have missed it already. I only had one locker during my stay in Convergys, I never changed it for so many reasons and when I saw it, I didn’t expect I will miss it. I had my jacket there and my tumbler and now everything is just so empty, everything just went back to where I started. But everything has to move on I need to move forward hopefully.
Now I’m ready for a new phase of my life, maybe a new BPO? But this time, it will be near where I lived so I won’t spend my time just traveling or stranded in the traffic. On the second thought I really don’t know yet, I just let the river flows and wait for it to where it would lead me to.
I could still remember when I was just a kid; I was able to look after this boy, when he wants to take a nap I would sing for him until he dropped off to sleep on her blanket hammock.
I could not believe that my cousin who is younger than me will pass away. Last Saturday, I learned from my sister that he died of kidney shock on Friday. His best friend and cousin as well informed us that he died and that we are invited to see his remains at Angel Funeral. I was so shocked, I could not believe it, we even thought he got an accident but nope, he was already sick on January and was admitted to the hospital 3x. His siblings could not believe it as well, when we visited the funeral yesterday, his youngest sister said that they don’t have a 2nd father anymore because they treat him as their father next to their father. They are not intact, their father and mother who is my cousin got separated years and years ago, after having 7 kids. Their father re-married again or should I say had lived in after he and his wife got separated. My Aunt went away from their house and went to Manila; she left the kids with their Dad. Sooner the eldest, got so disappointed that she married early. The second who is a boy tried to get hold of the family and never was he give up, he didn’t even felt hatred to his Mom. Whenever his siblings need some help, he would always lend a hand for them. He got married too but he didn’t forget his responsibility to his younger siblings. Kidney shock at 29 is hard to believe, I mean what happen to the world now, last year our friend who is only 17 years old died of heart failure and now our cousin who just started to have a family. Only GOD know until when we will be here on earth and one must be ready for our ending, but with kids so young yet how can they cope up. I can only offer prayers and hope my cousin would still guide them even he is already in heaven.
I still consider myself lucky even how cruel my life was during college, because I have friends I can always talk to whenever I feel like down. But time flies so fast and different because I no longer see them now, I always wonder what their activities are today because even though one of them is my friend in Facebook, I still could not reach her. That friend was my best friend before but I guess the time change because even a Hi or Hello from her could never be heard. But I always cherished our memories together during college, even she does not remember them at all, I do and I always care.
My friends today are just around yet it is sad to say one has to go out of the country, maybe the picture below would be our last picture for this year. Our friendship lasted already for 7 years and thanks to FB because we can still update and talked with our whereabouts. And since my eldest daughter is no longer busy with her training, I can stay in the computer the whole day if I want to but of course, a stay at home Mom like me still have so many things to do inside the house or even outside to pay the bills. Nevertheless, I love my life now, no pressure at all and I can live with it smoothly without those mouths and eyes that follow me whenever my kid would compete.