Life begins at forty but I am stuck, I should do whatever things I needed to do but I feel like I am still not moving forward. I am still on the same phase where everyone found me a long time, I thought by this age I already explore the world but nope I am not. I am telling you, there’s a part of my life that I felt so depressed, I felt so left out and I struggle a lot, yes I have my own personal issues.
But I composed myself, I tried so hard to just let things flow, even though I did not achieve the dreams I wanted to have from before, life will go on. My kids are with me and that’s the most important thing in the world. So I went back to work, trying to suit myself for this new adventure and for two years I survived.
I think I will not stop working until my body will weaken, but I am hopeful that my kids are already achieving their goals, when the day comes. Their dream is my dream and I am here to always support them. And who knows they will be the one to explore the world, they will be the one to travel and experience other cultures, the dream that I thought I can get.
Does really life begins at forty? Does it mean adventure, fun or travel? Or is it just a continuation of another struggle? Whatever it brings me, one thing I realized, dreaming is not only reaching for the things you really want, it can be achieve, when your kids will be the one to achieve it for you. And then I would say my life is perfect after all.
Just tonight I went to our office to have my clearance done, need to do it so I can get my back pay and my 13th month pay. I supposed to do it on day time but could not do it since there were no available TL already so I decided to just do it at night time when everyone is available. I tag my daughter along so I have someone to talk to when I felt bored already but it was the same thing because she was not allowed to come with me when I went up for the HR and the facilities.
When I surrendered my badge, they asked me to go back to my locker so I can vacate it. Upon approaching, I didn’t realize I have missed it already. I only had one locker during my stay in Convergys, I never changed it for so many reasons and when I saw it, I didn’t expect I will miss it. I had my jacket there and my tumbler and now everything is just so empty, everything just went back to where I started. But everything has to move on I need to move forward hopefully.
Now I’m ready for a new phase of my life, maybe a new BPO? But this time, it will be near where I lived so I won’t spend my time just traveling or stranded in the traffic. On the second thought I really don’t know yet, I just let the river flows and wait for it to where it would lead me to.
I got bored that I flipped some old magazines I just bought and I saw these coupons in the magazine and my jaw dropped because I saw a little big discount for a toothbrush or at least big discount for me, it was at least P 50.00 pesos off but the coupon has been expired already. I mean who have known this kind of discount if I only knew then I must avail it but can you blame me of just ignoring those coupons, believe me I saw a lot of coupons and it got my interest but when I checked how much is the discount and how much you would purchase, I would totally say thank you but no thanks because you have to at least purchase like P 3, 000.00 before you can get at least P 100.00 off, I mean come on, who do they have to hand outs some coupon after you purchase big time so thank you but no thanks. How I wish they would change that kind of strategy to tempt shoppers because if these shoppers are like me who are always in budget, there’s no way we would attempt of such purchase, I have to live within my budget.
I could still remember when I was just a kid; I was able to look after this boy, when he wants to take a nap I would sing for him until he dropped off to sleep on her blanket hammock.
I could not believe that my cousin who is younger than me will pass away. Last Saturday, I learned from my sister that he died of kidney shock on Friday. His best friend and cousin as well informed us that he died and that we are invited to see his remains at Angel Funeral. I was so shocked, I could not believe it, we even thought he got an accident but nope, he was already sick on January and was admitted to the hospital 3x. His siblings could not believe it as well, when we visited the funeral yesterday, his youngest sister said that they don’t have a 2nd father anymore because they treat him as their father next to their father. They are not intact, their father and mother who is my cousin got separated years and years ago, after having 7 kids. Their father re-married again or should I say had lived in after he and his wife got separated. My Aunt went away from their house and went to Manila; she left the kids with their Dad. Sooner the eldest, got so disappointed that she married early. The second who is a boy tried to get hold of the family and never was he give up, he didn’t even felt hatred to his Mom. Whenever his siblings need some help, he would always lend a hand for them. He got married too but he didn’t forget his responsibility to his younger siblings. Kidney shock at 29 is hard to believe, I mean what happen to the world now, last year our friend who is only 17 years old died of heart failure and now our cousin who just started to have a family. Only GOD know until when we will be here on earth and one must be ready for our ending, but with kids so young yet how can they cope up. I can only offer prayers and hope my cousin would still guide them even he is already in heaven.