Life Begins At Forty

Life begins at forty but I am stuck, I should do whatever things I needed to do but I feel like I am still not moving forward. I am still on the same phase where everyone found me a long time, I thought by this age I already explore the world but nope I am not. I am telling you, there’s a part of my life that I felt so depressed, I felt so left out and I struggle a lot, yes I have my own personal issues.

But I composed myself, I tried so hard to just let things flow, even though I did not achieve the dreams I wanted to have from before, life will go on. My kids are with me and that’s the most important thing in the world. So I went back to work, trying to suit myself for this new adventure and for two years I survived.

I think I will not stop working until my body will weaken, but I am hopeful that my kids are already achieving their goals, when the day comes. Their dream is my dream and I am here to always support them. And who knows they will be the one to explore the world, they will be the one to travel and experience other cultures, the dream that I thought I can get.

Does really life begins at forty? Does it mean adventure, fun or travel? Or is it just a continuation of another struggle? Whatever it brings me, one thing I realized, dreaming is not only reaching  for the things you really want, it can be achieve, when your kids will be the one to achieve it for you. And then I would say my life is perfect after all.

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Clearance Done

Just tonight I went to our office to have my clearance done, need to do it so I can get my back pay and my 13th month pay. I supposed to do it on day time but could not do it since there were no available TL already so I decided to just do it at  night time when everyone is available. I tag my daughter along so I have someone to talk to when I felt bored already but it was the same thing because she was not allowed to come with me when I went up for the HR and the facilities.

When I surrendered my badge, they asked me to go back to my locker so I can vacate it. Upon approaching, I didn’t realize I have missed it already. I only had one locker during my stay in Convergys, I never changed it for so many reasons and when I saw it, I didn’t expect I will miss it. I had my jacket there and my tumbler and now everything is just so empty, everything just went back to where I started. But everything has to move on I need to move forward hopefully.

Now I’m ready for a new phase of my life, maybe a new BPO?  But this time, it will be near where I lived so I won’t spend my time just traveling or stranded in the traffic. On the second thought I really don’t know yet, I just let the river flows and wait for it to where it would lead me to.


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We Are Soaring

It is so nice to see that our club is now progressing, we have many members now. So to those who criticized us, watch out because we are going to soar.
Last summer, as the kids were on training for their competition in Milo, we talked about putting a club of our own. But of course there are many things we have to consider so we can’t just pursue that. What matters for us at that time, is to join the competition that we had prepared a year ago, so even if we travel like two hours just for the kids to train, we sacrificed for it. It was just when we went to the venue where the competition was held, there were some people who are so selfish who can’t just let us go. And the people whom I thought was our friends support the false accusation. They know so well what kind of person we were dealing last year, and now it seems like everything just turn so upside down. Anyway, well, karma goes around, comes around because look who was some sort of “blocked” right now? So I gave you my real hard laugh, hahahahaha!!!!!
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Nostalgia # 4: When He Was Gone

On May 11 marks my father’s death anniversary, I am not sure what we are going to do, I may go to the church for prayer service during mass. It has been 23 years since he died and I still could not forget the night he was gone. I so long to visit him at the hospital but they said 9 years old or younger are not allowed in the hospitals.
When my sister arrived from the hospital, she cried. I knew then what happened because even before she arrived, I already have premonitions. I was eating my dinner in a distant relative when suddenly I saw a scene, they were crying so hard and I saw some rushing then all of a sudden I screamed so hard that was the time I called my Dad!
My grand mother came in rushing to the kitchen, she asked me what happened. I could not even say a word to her; I looked at her so distant. I didn’t answer her. All I could utter at that time was my Dad.
During the last mass, when the priest asked us to gather in front of his casket, I saw my sisters crying. When I looked the people at my back, I saw my Dad; he was looking at himself inside the casket. He looked at me so sad, I know he was not ready to leave us yet, I know he wanted to comfort us right at that very moment.
To my Dad, we always missed you, even though how many years had passed that you were gone, we never forget you. Thank you for the care and the love that you showed us, you are always in our heart.
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